How To Advertise for a New Mate

 

INTRODUCTION FOR THE MAN
(WHOSE WIFE HAS LEFT HIM)


You have a problem.

1) Your wife has left you or is about to leave you.

2)You need help to get your wife back.

3) If you do not get your wife back, you will need help to get another wife.

4) Your wife had reasons for leaving.

 

Start Working on Your Problem

If she has identified definite problem areas, then it is a good idea to start working on those areas. Even if she never comes back, these same problem areas will keep you from getting and keeping a new mate. The identified areas are probably not the only character flaws you have. It is a good idea, therefore, that you look your life over and rid yourself of all of the flaws you can. Some flaws you may have shared with your wife. In other words, you may have both had the same flaws. Your spouse may not have asked you to get rid of these flaws. You both, for instance, may share a marijuana problem, a drinking problem, a bad language problem, a bad habit problem, or a smoking problem.  She may have identified your problem as a bad temper. She may have identified your problem as one of yelling at the kids. You need to get rid of all your flaws, not just the ones she has identified.  The purpose of this book is to help you do that. I want to help you discover your flaws and discover how to remove them from your life.

Gentlemen, lets put an ad in the newspaper!  Lets advertise for a mate for you.  If  you (a separated male) put an ad in the newspaper that you were looking for a mate, would it read like the following ad?

Man (your age) old desires a wife. I am handsome, take good cave of myself, no bad habits, non-smoker, non-drinker. College degree. Make a good living. Go to church. Have saved a little money. I exercise regularly. I am honest. I do not have children from previous marriages or relationships. I am tender hearted, especially towards women and children. I want my wife to have things like a home and good furnishings. I love children and would want to have children of my own. They would be number one in my life. I have a good sense of humor. I would like to take my wife dancing. I enjoy life. I enjoy family. I don't like to spend a lot of money on myself, but I would want my wife to have al the good things in our home. I like to snuggle. I love sex with someone I love, I want a wife to love who will also love me. I would never betray my wife with another woman. I would never lie to my wife. I have never been in jail, or convicted of a crime. I have never struck a woman and never will I am a family person who enjoys visiting relatives. I get along good with my parents. My parents have trained me to be independent I have established good credit. I pay my bills as agreed. I do not make unnecessary credit purchases. I do not have any alimony or child support to pay. Phone me at 777-888-0000

 With this ad, you would get lots of takers! Your phone would be ringing! It would take you months to review all the  applications!

Now men, take a pencil and cross out all of the things in that ad that are not true about you. Then read your ad as it stands with the things crossed out. Ask yourself if your ad would bring in as many responses as the original ad. If you have crossed out a lot of things, you probably need to build your character so that you can have a good relationship and attract a person of good character. You will not attract a person of character if you are not a person of character yourself. You have heard that birds of a feather flock together. If you need to build character, read on.

INTRODUCTION TO THE WOMAN
(WHOSE HUSBAND HAS LEFT HER)

You have a problem. Your husband has left you or is about to leave you. You need help to get him back. If you do not get him back, you will need help to get another husband. Your husband had reasons for leaving. They may be good reasons, or they may be bad reasons. He thought his reasons were good ones.

He probably thought you had definite character flaws. If he thought you had flaws, you should list them and go to work on them. A new mate will probably see the same flaws in you. It is important that you begin to get rid of your flaws. You need to get rid of your flaws because you will need to get better to get your husband back. If he does not come back, you will need to get rid of your flaws so that you can keep a new man.

             If you marry again, you ex-husband will hope that you fail with the new man. This will prove him right about you. You need to change, so that this might not happen again for you. In other words, there is a side of him that hopes you will fail to justify his having left you.

On the other hand, if you do well with your life, he will wonder for a long time if he shouldn't have stuck it out. There is always a possibility that you might get him back. If you have character flaws, however, he will probably leave again.

Therefore it is important that during your separation period that you improve in character. More than likely he has told you what is wrong with you. If he has identified definite problem areas, then it is a good idea to start working on those areas. Even if he never comes back, these same problem areas would keep you from getting and keeping a new mate.

The identified areas are probably not the only character flaws you have. It is a good idea, therefore, that you look your life over and rid yourself of all of the flaws you can. Some flaws you may have shared with your spouse. In other words, you may have both had the same flaws. Your spouse may not have asked you to get rid of these flaws. You, for instance, may share a marijuana problem, a drinking problem, a bad language problem, a bad habit problem, or a smoking problem with your husband. He may have identified your problem as a bad temper. He may have identified your problem as one of yelling at the kids. You need to get rid of all your flaws, not just the ones he has identified. The purpose of this book is to help you do that. I want to help you discover your flaws and discover how to remove them from your life.

Ladies, If I ran this ad, who would I get as takers?

Woman, (Your Age) desires a husband. I am attractive, take good care of myself, no bad habits, non-smoker, non-drinker. College degree. Make a good living. I go to church. Have saved a little money. I am honest, exercise regularly. I do not have children from previous marriages or relationships. I am tender hearted, especially towards children. I love children and would want to have children of my own. They would be numb one in my life. I have a good sense of humor. I enjoy life. I enjoy family. I don't like to spend a lot of money on myself. I like to snuggle. I would love having sex with someone I love, I want a husband to love, and who will love me. I would never betray my husband with another man. I would never lie to my husband. I ail, or convicted of a crime. 1 am slow to get angry. I am a family person who enjoys visiting relatives. I get along good with my parents. My parents have trained me to be independent. I have established good credit. I pay my bills as agreed. I do not make unnecessary credit purchases. I do not have any alimony or child support to pay. I do not have children to whom I have obligations.  Phone 555-666-777

Of course you would get lots of takers! Your phone would be ringing! It would take you months to review all the applications!

Now, take a pencil and cross out all of the things in the above ad that is not true about you.

Now, ladies, read the ad with the things all crossed out that are not true about you. As corrected, does your ad seem true about you? Ask yourself if your ad would bring in as many responses as the original ad. If you have crossed out a lot of things, you probably need to build your character so that you can have a good relationship and attract a person of good character. You have heard that birds of a feather flock together. If you need to build character, read on.

Are you Separated? Do you want a good woman or man? Do you want your old mate back?

A.           Women, if you could have any man you wanted who would you choose? By the looks of things, many a woman will "grab the first male that's available." Would you look for positive traits? Would you require him to have all of the following positive traits?

  1.  Smart

  2. Generous with you.

  3.  Sense of humor.

  4.  Loves God.

  5.  Good appearance

  6. Good job

  7. Good provider

  8. Honest

  9. Good habits

  10. Has a nice car

  11. Keeps his payments up

  12. Good credit.

  13. Good lover.

B.         How many of the following negative traits would you let him have?

  1. Over drinks.

  2. Lies.

  3. Cheats.

  4.  Hits

  5.  Swears

  6. Spendthrift

  7. Selfish.

  8. Doesn't like kids

  9. Doesn't like sex

  10.  Impulsive.

  11. Hot tempered

  12. Loud mouthed.

C.        Men, if you could have any woman you wanted who would you choose? Would she have to be a woman of character? Would you require that she had positive character traits? Would you want her to have all of the following positive traits?

  1. Smart

  2. Generous with you

  3. Sense of humor

  4. Loves God

  5. Good appearance

  6. Good job

  7. Honest

  8. Good habits.

  9. Has a nice car

  10. Keeps her payments up

  11. Good credit

  12. Good lover

D.        How many of the following negative traits would you let her have?

  1. Over drinks.

  2. Lies.

  3. Cheats

  4. Flirts.

  5. Swears.

  6. Spendthrift

  7. Selfish

  8. Doesn't like kids

  9. Doesn't like sex

  10. Impulsive

  11. Hot tempered.

  12. Loud mouthed.

II.         Trade offs. It is obvious that a person with all of the above positive character traits would be hard to find. Maybe you would need to do a little trade off. Maybe you would need to accept some of the bad character traits and not be so strict on the good character traits. How many bad qualities are you willing to take in order to get or keep a spouse who had some good qualities? Ladies:

III.         Men, what trade offs would you do to keep a wife?

1.                     Ladies: List the positive traits your mate must have.

I'

2.                     Ladies: List the negative traits your man might have if he had enough of the positive traits above listed.

3.                     Gentlemen: List the positive traits your woman must have.

            4.         Gentlemen: List the negative traits she might have if she had enough of the positive traits above listed.

D.         All marriages have some trade offs. Isn't that what mother said?

1.          "Mother told me men would be like that."

a.                     Phrases like this suggest that women have accepted trade offs.

b.                     The question is what positive things must a woman have if she is going to accept or permit a man's negative things?

(1)    For instance: I know a woman who is married to a very negative man. She accepts this man's "negativism about everything" because he is a good  provider and a good father who lets her control the spending.  He is so negative that he is a pain to be around.  She has made a trade off.

(a)        She has accepted less than best in character as long as she can be boss of the money.  This is the situation of many women.

2. A NOTE ON THE CONTROL OF MONEY

a.                   Most alcoholics let the other spouse control the money. The number one in the life of some people is the drinking, not the money. A drunk will let you manage the money as long as you don't interfere with their drinking. If, however, you don't give them enough to drink, then they will get mean and figure out a way to get money to drink.

b.                  If you have a severe character flaw, and wish to keep your character flaw. You might consider letting your spouse have control of the money and major decisions. This will force them to accept this as a trade off, or kick you out. If you go, the money control goes too. They might take mother's advice and say, "That is the way men are."

(1)                 Works for thousands of alcoholics.

(2)                 Works for wife beaters.

(3)                 Works for men who use prostitutes.

  (4)        Works for men who don't take baths often.

3.         'Women, can't live with them, can't live without them."

a.                     Phrases like this suggest that men have accepted trade offs.

b.                     The question is, what positive things must a man have if he is going to accept or permit your negative things?

(1)         For instance: I know a man who lets his wife be a spendthrift of sorts because she is a good mother to the kids and because she is wonderful in bed, and because she lets him have his hobbies.

E.         Problem: "If  I wait for the perfect mate. I will never have a mate because there is no one who is perfect."

1.        Most people who select a mate know that the mate is not perfect. But they rationalize that things will be all right because:

a.         They are in love, and love will prevail.

(1)               We all know that this isn't true. Never was. Never will be. Love will grow over time if it has a good environment to work in, but the early infatuation and lust, which we mistake for love, will fade.

(2)               If our love for each other grows, it will be because we respect the character and commitment of the other person. It will grow because you have the same goals for the family. It will grow because you can trust your mate to always do what is right.

b.          They feel that they can change the person.

(1)        Common sense says that people can only change themselves. We cannot change them or force them to change.

(a)                  We all resist change.

(b)                 We must have a motive to change.

(c)                  Most motivation comes from a religious experience.

(d)                 Some motivation can come through distasteful experiences.

i)                       Such as punishment for our wrong actions.

ii)                     Sometimes in the case of alcoholism, abusive behavior and such, the legal system helps people to change.

iii)         If the behavior is not illegal, but is distasteful to the spouse has the choice of

a)                  Taking on the task of punishment.

 

b)                  Ignoring the bad behavior.

c)                  Becoming bitter inside.

d)                  Leaving and starting new

(c).           They underestimated the character problem.

(1)                  For instance, during dating, going to a lot of parties might seem like a lot of fun.

Drinking might seem like a lot of fun before marriage. The spouse might think that when the marriage begins, the drinking and partying will not be a problem. When married, some spouses are shocked that the problem continues.

 

(2)                  Also, when dating a bad temper might be seen, but not recognized as a huge problem. A suitor might think that a girl is cute when she is angry. A husband might see it differently.

(3)                  One lady had to always get her way. Her boyfriend thought it was part of the dating game to give in. Go where she liked to go. Eat what she liked to eat. Go with friends she~ wanted to go with. He didn't mind getting led around while dating. He was doing what he had to do to get a wife. When married, her selfishness led to may fights. He was pretty easy going, but her character problem finally caused him to leave her. He had underestimated his ability to deal with her character problem.

F.         Should marriage then be a contract?

a.         Should marriage be an agreement for two imperfect people to raise the children without being themselves perfect, but agreeing to certain principles whose lines must never be crossed.

(1)        For instance: In the positive principles that must always be done could read:

(a)                  Fidelity

(b)                  Providing.

(c)                  Loving.

(2)        For instance: In the negative principles that must never be done could read:

(a)                  Alcoholism

(b)                  Physical violence.

(c)                  Uncontrolled anger.

(d)                  Swearing.

(e)                  Substance abuse.

(f)                    Sexual infidelity.

G.         Marriage-.is a contract, certainly. In the "eyes of the legal system it is a contract between a man and a woman. But it is more than that. It is a contract with God, parents, relatives, children, community, church, schools, other parents, and the list goes on.

(1)        For instance, a married person is expected to conduct himself well in his community because of his marriage contract.  All who live near him or have anything to do with him demand it.  These people, though only peripherally connected to the marriage are none the less affected by how good the marriage is.  Here is a partial list of people and organizations that can benefit, or be hurt by how good my marriage is.

(a)                My neighbors.

i)          They see that I have children about the ages of theirs.

They expect good conduct. If I have wild parties instead and allow my children to roam the neighborhood, they are affected by my marriage contract.

(b)               My relatives

i)          Grandparents, uncles, aunts, cousins, in laws etc. They all feel the brunt of my commitment.

                         (c)                  My children.

i)          Affected by every move I make, especially if I do not honor my marriage contract

(d)                  The schools my children go to.

                    i)           My children carry my marriage problems into their attitudes and therefore into the classroom and to their teachers.

 

(e)                  My church.

i)           My church is judged by how many hypocrites go there. If I dishonor my marriage vows, I bring shame to the church. I was talking to a pastor friend the other day. He said, "I like to do funerals better than weddings." "Why?" I asked. "At least when I bury them they stay dead," was his reply. We had a good laugh, but if you think it is hard to go around your family with a new spouse, try going to your church with the new person under arm

.

(f)                    My place of employment.

i)           Marriage problems is a major cause of the employer not getting maximum production from his workers. Your employer hopes you will honor your marriage vows.

 

(g)                  My close friends.

i)          They accept you and your spouse as one. They even put your two names together when they talk of you. It is "Jim and Claudine," "Joe and Karen," Harold and Lynn."  Their children know you by those combinations. If you don't make it you have failed them and their children.

(h)         God.

i)                    God wants marriages to work. God hates it when people split up. God has provided us with plenty of "helps" for our marriages.

 

ii)                   God provided a helpmeet for Adam.

iii)                 Jesus honored marriages by his presence.

iv)                 Jesus spoke out against putting a spouse away.

v)                  The apostles supported life long marriages with much love and total commitment in them.

(2)                  This is why marriages are done in public. The whole community is asked, or was asked, "It there anyone here who objects to this union."

(3)                  This is why people make a vow not only to the spouse, but to their God as well.

(4)                  If I fail in my marital contract, it will upset a lot of people.  Therefore the contract may seem to be bi bi-lateral, but indeed it is multilateral.

IV.       Why did they leave? Why did you leave? You know of course. Your mate knows of course. This is just a starting point. This just gives you an idea of some character flaws one or both of you need to work on. Here are some of the given reasons.

1.          Something you did. Something they did.

a.         Was there a "straw that broke the camel's back?" If there was, then fixing that will not solve the problem. Let us say that the "straw that broke the camels back" was your mate getting a drunk driving ticket. A drinking problem is really a character problem. A drinking problem is a lack of commitment problem. A drinking problem is an honesty problem. Generally there is more to be fixed than one problem.

2.          Another person in picture.

a.                     This is a character, commitment and honesty problem too. When we delude ourselves into thinking that a new person will solve our problems, we are saying that the character problem was our mate's problem, not ours. We are saying that our mate is of bad character and that the new person is of better character.

 

b.                     We are sinning against our mate, demonstrating bad character and lack of commitment ourselves, then rationalizing that it is all right because our mate was not of as good of character as the new person. Talk about confused! Lets see if I heard that right"

 

 (1)         "I don't like your character, dear, so I am changing mates. I know you might think that this shows bad character on my part and on the part of the other woman, but under hard situations like this we can't have good character and accomplish what we need to accomplish." "In other words, I think I can have good character with this other person, but we all have to have a little bad character (at least with you) (and with all your relatives, and with our friends, and with our bosses, and at our churches and with our children) for a while so I can get my life straightened up, then I will have good character and so will my new love. Actually, both I and my new love seem to be of good character except for this adultery and lying and deceiving deal, but that is only temporary and we will soon be back to good character. You know that I am basically a good person. So is my new love a good person. We will be back on good character after I get rid of you."

3.             Fell out of love?

a.         This phrase is often used by a mate who has found another. When a person tells me they have fallen out of love with their mate, I generally ask, "Who is the new person?'

b.                  This reason simply means that the "feeling of love" has gone and that the couple needs to work on their marriage. The things they need to work on fall under the heading of "building character and commitment."

c.                   The feeling of love is something God gave us to help us select a mate so that we could start nesting and get down to the business of building a home. Building a home does not require us being constantly in love, but it does require us to have honesty, good character and morals and commitment to building a nest.

   4.       Substance abuse.

a.                     Substance abuse is very difficult to deal with. In most cases help must come from the outside as well as the inside. In other words, besides the desire to stop abusing substances, there needs to be group help such as Alcoholics Anonymous or some of the religious drug diversion programs.

b.                     Substance abuse will kill any marriage, no matter how committed the spouses are. If you have to have some substance every day, then you will not be able to stay married very long. You are trading your nest for a substance that is not needed in your life. If you go to skid row, nearly all the drunks have been married. Their marriages couldn't hold up with substance abuse in them.

   5.       Argue too much.

a.         Few marital problems are solved by argument. If your spouse won't change with your loving encouragement, she probably won't change if you argue about it. An argument means that the problem is seen differently by the two of you. It also means that both of you are willing to fight for your side. If you argue a lot, it may mean that you think the other is dumb. Or it may mean that one of you is just selfish. It definitely means that one or both of you would rather fight than solve the problem. The problem probably lies in both of you needing to work on character.

   6.         Blame too much.

a.               Many fights in marriages are hurt by arguments over who is to blame. Blaming does not solve the  problem. When my wife starts blaming, I say: "What's the solution? It is not important who gets the blame, but it is important that a solution is found." For instance:

(1)                  You blame me for our marriage falling apart. "OK, so I'm at fault, so how can we fix our marriage?"

(2)                  You blame me for the way the kids act. "OK, so I'm at fault, so how can we get the kids back on track?"

(3)                  You blame me for not being affectionate. "OK, so I'm at fault, so how can I become more affectionate?"

(4)                  You blame me for our financial situation. "OK, so I'm at fault, so, how can we get our finances straightened out?"

b.         Marriages that split have plenty of blame to go around. Probably both are right. Probably both are to blame. Ask yourself what percentage of the blame you should take. After you get the percentages, ask yourself how to fix the problem. If you do this, your marriage may survive.

7.          Can't forget betrayal.

a.                   Forgiving infidelity is among the hardest things to handle in a marriage. If you have betrayed your mate, you will have to demonstrate honest repentance.

 

b.         You will have to ask forgiveness about a million times. This is because the thought of that betrayal will pop up in the mind of the offended partner for years. If you were the offender, you will have to help them deal with it. Let me tell you about my old friend:

          

(1)        My friend had a little farm on which he sold goat meat. His little farm was on the highway up the canyon where men would travel to go deer hunting. He also dressed out deer meat for the hunters. For hunters that "didn't get their deer," they could buy some goat meat from my friend and tell all their friends they "got their deer." (Aren't men deceiving?) He began going a few miles down the river to have sex with another man's wife. They got caught. He repented. It was not hard, the child support on seven children would have been terrible. He begged forgiveness and was allowed to resume his marriage. He never went to see the other lady again. But it never ended there because he had to help his wife to heal. He had to help her gain trust in him. Every time he would want to leave the farm, she would ask him where he was going. If he stayed too long she would question him. At odd times she would accuse him of thinking about the other woman. He couldn't figure it out but he had to help her. Fortunately, he had patience with her. Her learned just to hold her and say over and over again, "I'm sorry." He vowed to her that he would never lie to her again and he meant it. But her doubts went on and on and on. Sometimes she would wake up at night angry and hurt, crying, yelling, and beating the pillow. He would just hold her and say, "I'm sorry." Ten years after the affair she still hurt at times. I asked him if it was better. He said "Yes, it's a lot better, but she still hurts over it once in a while." He was able to save his marriage because he really did love his wife and family, and he knew he had done wrong, and he took time to comfort his wife. This is typical of the pain that infidelity causes.

8.    Can't forget something else.

a.           It is said that when God forgives, He also forgets. We humans are not good at this. We tend to say we are forgiving our mate's transgression, but we don't forget. This is proven by the fact that we bring up the transgression again as soon as we get in a fight. We have to learn to "move on." Even if we don't forget the sin against us, we need to fix it, then move on. For instance:

(1) Your mate overspends, causing you to have to take a second job to pay for it. He knew not to overspend, but he just had to have that new car. Now your family will be in a tight for four years. Repent, fix it, don't do it again, move on.

(2)                  Your mate insults you in front of company. He tells them you are overweight because you eat all the time and lie to yourself. Everybody laughs at his insults toward you. Argue it out, put a stop to it, make him repent and promise never to do it again, then move on.

(3)                  Your mate lies to you about what things cost. An example is that she tells you that the $89.00 dress she bought was on sale for $20.00. She does it with everything she buys. You find the bills and raise hell. Fix it and move on.

9.          The person is a manipulator.

a.         In a relationship there will always be one who can out manipulate the other.

 

(1)                  This can work if the most powerful manipulator wants what is best for the family.

(2)                  If the manipulator is selfish and cunning, that person will use manipulation to get his way. If the manipulator is selfish, it will cause resentment by the other person.

(3)                  I once told a man that he and his wife should learn to talk things out. "Hell, I can't talk to her," was his answer. "If I talk to her, she turns everything around. I have tried to talk to her, but I might as well be talking to the wall

(a)        When they came in for counseling. I found her to be very strong. She felt her task was to get me, the

counselor, on her side. She felt she was right and never backed down. As we ended our only session, the man said: "See how she does preacher, she is always right." "You can't be manipulated if you refuse to be manipulated," I told him. Their marriage didn't make it. There were  other problems too, but the golden rule could have helped a little bit.

10.      Couldn't accept responsibility.

a.         Raising a family is a lot of responsibility. It becomes more than some people can handle.

(1)                  Some escape by working all the time.

(2)                  Some escape by hiring baby sitters.         

(3)                  Some escape by turning it over to the other mate.

(4)                  Some escape by leaving.

11.      Mental or Psychological problems

a.         These, like substance abuse are extremely hard to deal with. They are tragedies. Prescribed drugs. and religion can help a lot but this kind of a problem requires a lot of time and work. If the person with the problem works hard on themselves it helps a lot. Most marriages do not last when these problems persist.

 

12.      Emotional problems

a.         These can be severe problems, but with the help of religion and a lot of work by the one who suffers in this category, things can change. A person with emotional problems should attend a church which has a lot of meetings. A church that has the time to spend with the person

13.        Unable to communicate with the person.

a.                     Some people just don't communicate well.

b.                     Some people won't communicate out of stubbornness.

c.                     Some people won't communicate with a person who can out argue them.

14.         Other

A.          List changes your spouse would want you to make in order to reconcile?

1.

2

3

4

5


      Are you willing to make changes?

a.                     When?

b.                     Why?

c.                     How?

       What changes are you not willing to make?

a.           Why?

B.         List the changes you would demand of your spouse before you reconciled.

1.          Is your spouse willing to make changes?

a.                        When?

b.                       Why?

c.                        How?

2.          What changes is your spouse not willing to make?

a.           Why?

C.          How your ex wife will want things to go for you if you don't get back together.

1.                     She wants you to fail.

2.                     She wants you to get worse about the things she doesn't like about you.

3.                     She wants to be able to tell all your friends that you turned into a bum, and that she saw it coming and got out in time.

D.        How your ex-husband will want things to go for you if you don't get back together:

1.                     He will want you to find another fellow, then act the same and end up divorced again.

 

2.                     He will like to tell his friends that it is a good thing he got rid of you.

V         Building yourself up for your next marriage or for a reconciliation.

A.        Why you need to change.

1.                     You need to become a better person so that you can get along with this spouse or a new spouse.

2.                     You will need to be better to attract a new spouse.

3          You need to become a better person so that you can be a better parent.

B.           Why it will be hard to change.

1.                     We like ourselves like we are.

2.                     We prefer that the other people change to fit our patterns and habits.

3.                     We resist change with a passion.

a.           We seldom change without pressure from:

(1)                  Family

(2)                  Friends.

(3)                  Employer.

(4)                  God.

(5)                  Spouse.

(6)                  Ourselves. (Desiring to be a better person).

C.          What areas do you need to change? Do you need to become a better person in any of the following areas?

1.                  Character

2.                  Appearance

3.                  Habits

4.                  Attitudes

5.                  Religious commitment

6.                  Honesty.

7.                  Marital commitment.

8.                  Be more loving.

9.                  Set aside selfishness

10.              Accepting responsibility

11.              Impetuosity

12.              Frugality.

D.        Things men or women can do to build character.

1.